Taste the Rainbow!

So I told my friend who’s black that I recently went out with a white guy and he said “why are you going that way?” First of all it wasn’t really a “date,” and secondly, I’m sorry, I thought it was 2009 not 1809. I figured we were past the whole race issue, especially considering the fact that everywhere I turn I see a black guy dating a white girl, so even if I wanted to date a black guy they’re all taken by white women anyways lol. It’s been a long standing issue amongst black people and it’s ridiculous and unfair. Why is it okay for black men to date outside their race but not okay for me to do the same?

I surveyed many of my black guy friends and most of them said they feel like black women are leaving them behind when they date white men (yet they can’t possibly understand how black women could feel the same). Others say it’s because black women have too much attitude. White women have attitude, too (have you seen Jerry Springer?) so that’s not it. Whatever the reasons, I would think we’ve come farther than that.

On the flip side, I know many people who would never date outside their race. I know many black people who would never date white people because of the history of slavery in this country; and I know many white people who would never date black people because they still believe they are inferior. Fairly recently, we heard the story of the southern “Justice” of the Peace who refused to grant a marriage license to an interracial couple (which is very much illegal by the way) but maintains he is not racist.

Some of the most influential people in the world came from interracial relationships- Alicia Keys, Soledad O’Brien, Halle Berry, Mariah Carey (although her “influence” is highly debatable), Barack Obama- the list goes on. Love knows no color, so how about we stop focusing on it? Til that happens I look forward to dating white guys, black guys, asian guys, whatever guys, as skittles says, taste the rainbow!

Mr. Right Now

Back when I was in high school my mother gave me a plaque containing a list of “Teen Beatititudes,” one of which said something like “only date those who will make a good mate.” So since then I’ve been brainwashed into thinking I should only date those who would make a perfect husband and father, and I admit I’m still guilty of this way of thinking. As a result, when I’d meet a guy I’d automatically skip to our future- does he like kids? How many does he want? When will we get married? Where will we live? How’s his credit score? Etc.

But now that I’m older, I realize that becoming the perfect husband or father requires on the job training, so I can’t expect a man to be the total package. So it’s okay to lower my standards a bit. I’m not saying I’ve thrown them to the wayside and will take anything that comes my way, but if he’s got 2 out 3 things I like in a guy I won’t kick him to the curb as I have in the past. Furthermore, I’ve realized that by being so picky I’m missing out on having fun just dating. Many people in my family believe that it’s unladylike to date multiple men, they think you should date one or two guys, find one you like and marry him. If only it were that simple!

Many women complain about being single, and I used to be one of them until I learned to just let go. I feel that women tend to be conservative when it comes to dating because a) traditionally men are supposed to be the ones who seek us out and ask us on dates and what not; and b) we’re expected to still “act like women.” We need to just relax and go with the flow instead of constantly searching for Mr. Right. You never get what you want when you want it, so I’m all about enjoying life with Mr. Right now, and who knows, maybe I’ll find my Mr. Right in the process.

If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em?

So I’ve been reading Steve Harvey’s latest book lately and his discussion on standards makes me feel like I need to throw mine out the window rather than to keep them. He claims that if you lay your standards out on the table a guy will respect you more and go that extra mile to get you, but in my experience guys hit the ground running. They say if you can’t beat them, join them and I’ve been wondering if this saying ought to be followed when it comes to dating. I consider myself to be a beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated young lady who knows what she wants and how to get. And I don’t think I’m too picky when it comes to men- I mean I don’t really care if you look like Idris Elba, David Beckham, or even if you don’t have the sexy British accents they do. As long as you can respect me and my many wild opinions about stuff; and can hold a decent conversation with me we’re good to go. So why does it seem like finding these men is like finding a needle in a haystack? No wonder women fight each other over them!

The guys I’m finding think a decent conversation involves talking about sex, drugs and liquor, which I guess is to be expected when the first words they say to you upon meeting your acquaintance is “yo, Ma what’s your sign?” Can I get a “hello, my name is so and so, what yours?” Can I get a convo about politics? Current events? Football? Something intellectually stimulating?

Over the years I’ve dated a few different guys who’ve all shared similar characteristics, and now that I’m older and wiser I prefer my men to be as well. And sure, I’ve got some new standards- like no gold teeth, no drugs, and above all you’ve gotta have an education, but are they really that unreasonable that I can’t find anyone who meets those requirements?

What I am finding however is a whole bunch of men who don’t meet my standards. A whole bunch of rude, uncultured, selfish, stupid men whose only mission is to use women. Or, if I find a half decent guy, he’ll ruin it by saying something like “don’t be expecting anything from me.” I’m not asking for a week in the Caribbean once a month or anything that extravagant. But can I get invited to a nice restaurant (without a dollar menu)? A night at the theatre (for a play not a movie)? An afternoon at the museum (of fine arts not science)? A day of something “adventurous,” like a hike or rockclimbing? A picnic at the park? Something out of the ordinary?

Is it better to just sell yourself short and settle for less because it’s readily available, or is Steve right about holding out on the hope that there’s somebody out there worth waiting for?

Do You Like Me? Click Yes or No

Remember when you were in elementary school and you were too shy to tell someone you liked him or her in case your admiration wasn’t returned, so you’d have a note passed to them stating “do you like me? check yes or no?” Makes you feel like a loser thinking about it huh (especially if your note was returned with a big fat no)? Well welcome to online dating ladies and gentleman! By now you should be fairly familiar with the concept. Once billed as dating for losers, it has now become as acceptible as online shopping (and I guess in some ways it is shopping). There are all kind of dating sites- sites for singles, sites for swingers, sites for the LGBT, sites for Christians- I wouldn’t be surprised if sites for animals popped up soon. For some people it started in AOL Chatrooms where someone who liked your screenname would send you an IM asking a/s/l. Then “You’ve Got Mail” came out, then over the years online dating became “normal.”

We’ve all seen the commercials boasting “if you don’t meet someone special in six months then it’s free” (to which I ask, “well what makes him special? Does he have an extra toe? If i don’t think he’s special do I get my money back?”), sites claiming to match you based on chemistry (which gives me frightening flashbacks of my honors chemistry class in high school), and the list goes on.

On a dare, I recently joined one of those sites to see what I’d find. I found a lot of good looking guys and some funny looking guys. I found guys whose reasons for living range from ending world poverty to the New York Yankees (steroids and all); guys who read real books and guys who used kindle.

These sites make you pour your hearts out and a date is still not guaranteed. With each guy’s profile came the “do you like him” question with the yes or no buttons. Call me a dork but whenever I’d click no I felt bad, like I was hurting their feelings. Like I wasn’t giving them a chance. Then I started to feel bad about the potential no’s I was getting!

In the end I decided I will stick to traditional methods of meeting people- wear something sexy at a bar when a football game is on! The NFL is back in session (thank you Jesus!) so dating season is on and poppin! Chances are you’ll get a free drink and a phone number,or at the very least you’ll get noticed- and that’s half the battle. Unless you get out there and mingle, you’re bound to stay single, ya feel me? Click yes or no

Girls Make the Good Guys Go Bad!

Forgive me for the title of my blog, I currently have the Cobra Starship song “Good Girls Go Bad” stuck in my head. Anywho, an article I read recently discussed a guy’s blog about chivalry, and the angry comments made by women. The guy mentioned classic acts of chivalry, such as opening a woman’s door for her, helping her with her coat (to which one woman replied “I can dress myself, thanks, I’m a big girl now.”), and my personal favorite, don’t drive off until the woman is safely inside (to which one woman replied “ Why? Because a mouse will come out of the bushes and attack me?” to which the author of the article replied “no, because a rapist could attack you,” which is exactly what happened to someone she knew). These women protested against these classic acts of consideration, yet women will get mad when men don’t act like gentlemen. It’s no wonder men don’t understand us!

There is obviously a misunderstanding of chivalry. Women frown upon chivalry because it makes them feel less independent, and men are just being polite. One of Merriam-Webster’s definitions of chivalry states that it is “…gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women.” Oh, chivalry, thou art horrible! Times sure have changed from the times when a gentleman would open your car door, give up his seat on the train, or pick up the tab (I’m sure the women wouldn’t object to this act of chivalry). Nowadays, most men barely hold the door open for you if you’re coming in behind them. Why should men try to act chivalrous if women will b!tch about it? It’s no wonder we’ve got so many songs that disrespect women. We shun gentlemanly acts. We automatically assume the worst in all men so that when we find the rare ones that actually are gentlemen we crush their sincere little hearts. Then we fall for the bad guys who break our hearts then b!tch to our friends about how we just can’t find a good man.

Good men are everywhere. We interact with them everyday. They’re not lurking in the shadows. They’re not really hot cars chillin’ in the parking lot waiting to Transform. They’re not a needle in a haystack. We don’t need a fine-toothed comb to find them. We just need to give them the benefit of the doubt. Of course there are bad guys out there, but we can’t let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch. Men (and people for that matter) treat you the way you let them. So next time someone opens a door for you, just smile and say thank you, otherwise be prepared to have a lot of doors slammed in your face. Chivalry ought to be kept alive, but its fate is left in the hands of women. Shakespeare may have been right when he wrote “the lady doth protest too much,” but now is our chance to prove him wrong and make the bad boys go good!

No Baggage, No Babies, No Service?

It seems that every time I turn around someone I know is pregnant, or just had a baby and sometimes I feel like I’m an outcast because of it. It makes you wonder about how this is changing the way childless women are viewed in our society.

It seems as though the discrimination table has turned and those without child are branded with a big fat D for damaged goods. As petty as this argument may sound, those with children have excuses at the drop of a hat. A simple “my kid’s got the swine” is enough to get you a week off no questions asked. Let me tell my boss I’ve got the swine, he’ll say drink some hot tea and be at your desk by 10am. Kids are like the new get out of jail free card. Those with child can trade stories about how it was so cute when their little Judy said the f-word during Sunday Mass, or how little Peter pulled an R. Kelly during a routine diaper change. Those without child are like the losers who stand in the corner at a school dance because they’ve got nothing to talk about. My how times have changed!

Those with child even get an advantage in dating. Men can use their child as bait to catch women, while even women with children seem to be doing alright on the dating scene. A friend of mine is always telling me how he could never find women who don’t have a child, so in a sense he’s “given up” and has started dating those with children instead. Gone are the days when women with children are branded with a Scarlet B for Baggage.

It’s those without child that are being skipped over- perhaps since we have no children we have nothing to give? Someone once told me the tables have turned because women with children are seen as warm, loving, nurturing, while those without are seen as cold, career driven, and selfish. I know many women feel that their sole purpose in life is to have children (better you than me because that is something you’ll never hear me say- as I type this now I’m thinking of ways to get my tubes tied, because again, only those with child can have this procedure done lol), but don’t knock the women who choose not to. Maybe I’ll follow my friend’s advice and get a cat. Animals will soon have more rights than humans anyways, so maybe that can give me an advantage over those with child.