Great Expectations?

Since we were little girls we’ve been exposed to society’s ideas about how relationships are supposed to be. Disney movies taught us that all we’ve gotta do is scrub some floors, kiss a frog, or sleep for 100 years and prince charming will find us and we’ll live happily ever after. Well, it’s time to wake up.

Disney movies never tell you what happens after the princess finds her man, but I can assure you that even in the land of make believe things aren’t as perfect as they seem. Maybe Cinderella didn’t feel like doing dishes one day. Or maybe Tiana didn’t wanna cook breakfast one morning. And maybe Sleeping Beauty really did just wanna take a nap.

While most of us come to realize that fairy tales are just that- tales, some people hold on to these idealistic views of relationships well into their adulthood. And they’re in for a rude awakening when things don’t go so smoothly.

We’ve been taught to wait for a man that treats us like the royalty Disney movies convinced us we could be. A smart, handsome man that opens doors, pulls out chairs, and does all types of romantic stuff. Men like this exist everywhere. The issue arises where a man might possess 9 out of 10 of the desired traits so a woman won’t give him the time of day.

When do our great expectations become high, and even unreasonable ones? If we accept a man who has most but not all of our wish list does that mean we are settling? In the fairy tales, the men are perfect. But in real life they have flaws- sometimes they lie, sometimes they cheat, sometimes they forget our anniversary, or they leave the toilet seat up. In the greater scheme of things are any of these reasons not to give a man a chance?

I feel we do ourselves a disservice by searching for Mr. Fairy Tale, because we’re already setting ourselves up to fail because he doesn’t exist. And perfection is not what the movies tell us it is. It is what we make it. So next time you think about passing on a man who doesn’t exactly fit into your mold, remember that by doing so you may be passing up a chance to create your own happily ever after.

Here We Go Again (Happy New Year For Real)!

Tomorrow is not just the first day of the new year (and Haitian Independence Day for my fellow Haitian-Americans who celebrate with the traditional bowl of soup), it’s the first day of a brand spanking new decade. When the last decade began I was a junior in high school, now I’ve just completed my first semester of law school!

I’ve been reflecting on the things I’ve accomplished the last ten years of my life, and thinking of how to top that for the next ten years.

In the next decade I want to live my life to the fullest. I wish I’d taken more risks, in terms of careers. I wish I’d put myself out there more. I wish I didn’t waste so much time dwelling on the things I can’t change, or the things I don’t have. So in the next ten years I want to be more fearless and more appreciative for the things I have than bitter over the things I don’t. I’d also like to be married with children and a fascinating career as an attorney.

I don’t know what the next decade, or even what the next day holds. But I do know that what awaits me depends on how I live my life, the chances I take, the people I meet, and whatever blessings God wishes to bestow upon me.

I won’t be making any new year’s resolutions this year. I don’t like the pressure. But I will make an effort to seize every opportunity I get to be a happier, better version of me.
And I recommend the rest of you do the same; lest you find yourself a year from now making new new year’s resolutions saying “here we go again.”

Be Careful What You Ask For, Because You Just Might Get It

When I was a teenager, my life was so incredibly boring. Sure I was in high school, a time of your life that’s supposed to be fun and exciting, but I had virtually no life whatsoever. I had a part-time job, a brief stint as JV Cheerleading captain, and I kick-boxed, but that was about it. My circle of friends seemed to have all the exciting things going for them- the boyfriends and the party invites. I had none of this. I used to pray to God over and over again, “please let my life be full of drama.” And drama is what I got. The drama came and went as if I were a character on a soap opera. And of course, my prayers switched to “please take the drama away.” I quickly learned to be careful what you ask for.

Fast forward to this past year. I can’t tell you how many times I prayed for God to get me into law school. And I did. However, after seeing my financial aid package I started to think that maybe I didn’t ask for enough. And that made me think about my pattern of asking for things in other aspects of life.

If my faith allows me to believe that whatever I ask God for will be granted to me, then why did I not only ask to get into law school but also for a means to pay for it without going completely broke? The answer is something I’ve struggled with for what seems like my whole life. I don’t ask for enough. When I was younger, sometimes I’d ask God for the bare minimum so as not to take prayer requests away from others. And somehow this has translated into other areas of my life as well. I don’t ask for all of what I need because I feel like I’m asking for too much, but then I end up feeling somewhat unfulfilled because I don’t have enough of what I needed.

When applying for jobs that ask for your salary requirements, how many of you actually include the exact number you are looking for versus putting an amount you think won’t make you look greedy and money hungry, only to get the job and resent it because you aren’t making enough? How many of you actually ask for help when you need it, rather than biting off more than you can chew and then becoming bitter because no one has offered to help you?

How many of us really ask for exactly what we need instead of asking for less with the hope that the rest will be given to you? I sure don’t. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve to ask for as much as I want to. Then the other part of me feels like I do deserve to ask for as much as I want to, but then if I do what if it makes me seem less independent, needy, greedy, and a whole bunch of other words that I don’t want to describe me?

I suppose that’s a risk I’ll have to take because I can’t make it on less than enough.

It’s ‘Cuz I’m Smart, Isn’t It?

I was employed from the time I turned 16 to this past August when I started law school. I figured it would be a welcomed vacation from the retail, office, and financial jobs I’ve held in the past; plus I really wouldn’t have time to work anyways, what with all the excitement that law school brings. But as the funds in my bank account began to dwindle, and the holiday season approached I started to think that maybe it wouldn’t hurt for me to get a job during the break from school. After all, the holiday season is my favorite time of year (or so it was before I had to share the holidays with law school exams), and I really love working at the mall during the holiday season, so that was my first stop. As I walked around the mall, I first stopped at the stores where I used to work, then went to the stores with huge “we’re hiring for the holidays” signs up outside of their doors.

Perhaps this is a little bit of arrogance on my part, but I really did not think it would be this difficult to get a job at the mall during the holidays- especially when as a former work-a-holic poor college student mall rat I worked in almost every store at the mall, from the huge department stores, to the smaller stores. So I require very little training, just tell me when to come in and I’m yours until you don’t need me anymore. And I left on good terms. So why am I still unemployed? Educational Discrimination.

We’ve all seen job postings that ask for applicants with a minimum level of education, such as a high school diploma or a bachelor’s degree, since your salary is supposed to be proportionate to your experience and education. So the “theory” of educational discrimination should be somewhat familiar. However, not a lot of people consider this to be a form of discrimination because people are generally expected to go to college, or at the minimum graduate from high school. And it’s been the common belief that the more education you have the greater your earning potential. Nowadays, we’re seeing a slight shift to the opposite, where some companies are starting to look for people with less education, thus companies are able to pay their employees less to save money. Similar to how many companies try to hire unpaid interns to save on money that they have to spend if they hired an employee for whom benefits would have to be provided. This trend has been growing since the economy took a hit. For example, you’ve got people who were laid off from jobs at which they’ve worked for decades, holding lots of experience, and often times holding graduate degrees who are now forced to take lower level positions to make ends meet. That is, if they’re lucky. I know a man who has a PhD and was laid off. After giving up on applying for jobs similar to the position he held, he began applying for lower level data entry positions. He finally got an interview, but was turned down for the position because his interviewer told him that his “PhD makes him seem intimidating, and the company is not able to provide him with an appropriate salary.”

I’m experiencing the same thing now, and I don’t even have (or want) a PhD. Earlier this year I reapplied to be a part-time sales associate at Bath & Body Works. Everything seemed to be going well until the interview between the manager and I led to her discover my being in grad school, to which she basically said that since I’m working on my MBA I shouldn’t be trying to work at the mall. I can’t help that my former employer paid its employees less than similar companies, and that I wanted to increase my savings account. Shame on me!

Needless to say, I did not get rehired, and I’m finding the same thing is happening to me as I’m applying for holiday jobs at the mall. Whoever said that once you have a Master’s degree you will be able to get any job you want is clearly mistaken. Essentially, I’m being punished for being smart. Or, to be fair, I’m being punished for having a piece of paper that validates my intelligence (since in theory, you don’t have to be smart to get a Master’s degree). And, given the horrible customer service we’ve all received at one point or another, being smart doesn’t seem like it would be a bad thing, but that’s another story. I guess it just bothers me that even with my Master’s I STILL can’t get the jobs I want! So what if it happens to be a simple job at the mall. Regardless of educational background, and barring any criminal backgrounds, if you have the experience necessary to perform a job well you should be able to do it. In my case, I’ve got 7 yrs of retail experience, and I’m not looking to make a million dollars an hour. I can’t think of any other reason why a store with a big fat “we’re hiring for the holidays” sign would, upon reviewing my application that says you can pay me whatever you want and I can pretty much work whenever you need me to come in, day or night; a store where managers have been heard saying “we’ve got so many hours and not enough people to work them so if you want any shift take it it’s yours” would STILL refuse to rehire me. It must be because I’m smart.

Happy New Year!

I just finished the American Cancer Society’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in Boston (a 6 mile walk to raise money & support for breast cancer research, early detection, and survivor support programs), which this year I dedicated to my “aunty” Daisy who is a survivor. I’ve heard that cancer changes you, but if she didn’t tell you she had cancer you wouldn’t even know it. She’s the same bubbly, humorous, and loving person I’ve grown to love all these years. There’s nothing like beating cancer to make you feel like you’ve been given a new life, another chance.

And while I’ve not had to deal with cancer, birthdays give me the same feeling of starting anew (and it makes me wonder if this is why the American Cancer Society is now the sponsor of birthdays…). I recently celebrated mine and I usually treat mine as a new year in addition to a birthday. I reflect on how my life was the year before, and appreciate the blessings I have now.

Last year I created a list of things I wanted to do before my next birthday, and this year the list continues, with an added emphasis in giving more to others. Prior to beginning law school, I worked for a company that allowed me to do a lot of volunteer work, and I fear that due to my workload I won’t be able to volunteer as much as I used to. Donating your time to help others is a great way to celebrate life. It reinforces our purpose, and reminds us that we all need each other. I hope others treat their birthdays as new years in which they can make a difference in the lives of others as well as their own. Forget what happened before, and treat today as if you’ve been given a new life. And who knows, maybe you’ll help to sponsor some birthdays, too!

Breast Cancer Month

In case you didn’t know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Breast cancer awareness is something I’ve been very passionate about, as I many people who had or died from it. Breast cancer affects all of us, and it has a different effect on men and black women.

Although rare, men can get breast cancer. And because this is rare, men aren’t routinely screened for breast cancer, thus when they are diagnosed it may be too late.

Black women are another group of people who suffer from breast cancer because they don’t get checked in time, if at all; and because they tend to get the triple negative form of breast cancer (a type that does not respond well to hormonal therapy) their chances of survival are harder than white women, who tend to get other types of breast cancer.

A lot of work still remains to be done in breast cancer research, and triple negative breast cancer isn’t as thoroughly researched as other types- because black women are less willing to participate in research and clinical trials for breast cancer than white women.

While it is still debatable whether or not breast cancer is preventable, one of the ways in which you can decrease your chances of getting it is through exercise. I’ve read many different articles and medical journals that have said that regular exercise can cut your breast cancer risk (among other things) by 64%.

In light of this fact, I’ve committed to exercising everday in the month of October, and I’m hoping others will join, too. I’ve already done my workouts the past few days, and tomorrow I’ll be walking again in the American Cancer Society Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk, joining others working to find a cure.

Penguin Block Party

In part two of my vintage summer adventures, my boyfriend and I took a trip to the New England Aquarium. I hadn’t gone there since I was in elementary school so it brought back some vintage memories.

We got to roam around looking at exotic sea creatures, such as the sting ray, electric eels, and giant sea turtles. The colorful schools of fish were great to look at, as were the fuzzy star fish, seals, and this penguin block party.

We also got to roam around Fanuel Hall, and got to try multiple free samples of grilled pineapples, burgers, and quenched our thirsts with free samples of ocean spray and nantucket nectars. Who knew Boston was full of freebies on a hot saturday afternoon. These, my friends, are the simple things that vintage summers are made of!

The County Fair

Ever since I saw Grease when I was younger, I’ve always wanted to go to a county fair with my boyfriend, and ride the Ferris Wheel with him in the hopes of catching a kiss in the air while watching the sunset. So on my mission to pursue vintage inspired activities, my boyfriend and I ended up at the annual Brockton Fair in MA. It’s your typical county fair full of thrill-seeking rides, vendors selling fake Jimmy Choos, and of course the iconic Ferris Wheel. For $25 my boyfriend and I enjoyed a few rides, including a haunted house, he won me a cute blue Monkey, and we ended the night going at it on the bumper cars. Of course no trip to the county fair would be complete without some buttery fattening fried dough goodness burried under copious amounts of powdered sugar enough to make you a diabetic. A ride on the Ferris Wheel while watching the sunset would have been an uber romantic way to end the night with my love, but leaving the fair with him is just as good, too. Til next time!

Vintage Summer!

After a horrifically cold Winter, and an inconsistently blah Spring, Summer has finally arrived with bells on and I couldn’t be happier! It’s my favorite season- and not only because my birthday is in Summer. I love this season because it’s a season where people are happy and carefree, and most importantly the weather is hot hot hot! People are out and about mingling and having fun in the sun, how could you not love Summer!?

As my younger brother tries to figure out what he will do this summer, I’ve been thinking about the good old days when Summer vacation meant sleeping in everyday and staying up late every night. I miss the good old days when I would spend my Summer at my cousin’s house in New York and we’d have fun doing a whole bunch of nothingness. I miss the days when kids were assigned summer reading that wasn’t optional, or when you could get a vanilla ice cream waffle cone from the ice cream man for $1.

Summer brings back so many childhood memories, so this Summer I’m challenging myself to embark on a vintage Summer adventure. This Summer, I want to try old school things that I’ve never tried before, and maybe even some old school things I haven’t done since I was a kid- things like catching a movie at a drive-in, going to a local fair to ride a ferris wheel, and even buying fruits and vegetables from a farmer’s market. If anything, my vintage adventure will make for great date nights with my boyfriend. Oh what fun there is to be had!

Long Live Racism?

This is the longest blog I’ve ever written, so brace yourselves! There’ve been a lot of talks of racism in the headlines lately and what continues to amaze me is how people react to it (or how people on Twitter react to my honesty). Take the new immigration bill in Arizona for example. You can’t help but to see the potential for racial profiling written all over it in big red letters. You automatically think police officers will only arrest people who look Mexican- because apparently only Mexicans can be here illegally; never mind other ethnicities that come here illegally, such as Cubans, Africans, and even some white Europeans. If you read the text of the law (http://www.azleg.gov/legtext/49leg/2r/bills/sb1070s.pdf ), it seems to be unfair and biased because phrases like “the gang and immigration intelligence team” or “a reasonable attempt shall be made when practical” imply a tone of racial injustice. But people need to see both sides of the story- why Arizona decided to create this controversial law and how it will impact everyone.

Long story short- someone who was “assumed” to be an illegal immigrant killed a man in Arizona and they wanted a way to deter illegal immigration in the state. Furthermore, they want a way to deter businesses from hiring illegal immigrants due to the economic impact. Not to say this law won’t be effective, but illegal immigrants aren’t the only people who kill. The guy who killed my younger cousin was an American citizen, Americans kill Americans all the time, so to have that reasoning as your first basis for this law is a bit stupid, but I digress. As for economic impact, companies have been outsourcing labor for decades, and they still do especially given the current economy. Why pay an American $10 an hour when I can get 10 people in India to do the same job for the same amount of money? More bang for my buck right? Sure, we’ve got tax incentives to encourage companies to hire more Americans, but some companies will still opt for the cheaper labor.

I do agree with Arizona’s taking this huge leap to try to implement immigration reform on a state level, but I don’t agree with the way in which it is doing it. I don’t agree with the wording of the law because how else are you to “reasonably suspect” someone is here illegally if not first by skin color? In this country, we automatically assume that if you look Mexican you must be an illegal immigrant, or if you look Middle Eastern you must be a terrorist. There’s never been an “if you look white you must be…” so race becomes an issue.

To be clear, I don’t support illegal immigration at all. I think it’s unfair that when it comes to immigration, the phrase “one bad apple spoils the whole bunch” is applied to the extreme. Illegal immigrants give all immigrants a bad name. My parents came here legally from Haiti in the 70s and the 80s and they’ve shared their stories of how long they had to wait to come here due to the paperwork and processing; and those who cut the line by coming here illegally are issuing a slap in the face to those who do abide by the rules, and they make it harder for ANY immigrant- whether you’re from Europe, Africa, Asia, or Mexico- to come here legally because of the stigma attached.

Many believe that the new law in Arizona is a human rights violation because it denies arrested people due process, among other things. I haven’t started law school yet, so I can’t quite comment on that, but what about the human rights violations that occur when illegal immigrants are mistreated, exploited, used, and abused because they are considered nothing but cheap labor? Isn’t this dehumanization a human rights violation, too? Part of this new law will help fight against this because it also aims to deter companies from hiring illegal immigrants or picking up illegal immigrants in a truck for labor. Many illegal immigrants come here and they are killed- by both Americans and other illegal immigrants, sometimes worked to death, sometimes simply because they are illegal- and when they are buried by the State sometimes their family members aren’t notified, and sometimes their names aren’t even written on their tombstones. This law will actually help illegal immigrants, too.

As controversial as this law appears to be, we must give Arizona the benefit of the doubt that the intent wasn’t based solely on race. Whether or not it was based on race, racism will continue to be an issue in this country as long as we let it; which brings me to my next racism in the news issue- the third year Harvard Law student who sent out an email stating she believes blacks are on average predisposed to be academically inferior to whites. Perhaps she forgot about the current President of the United States of America who, like her, also served on the Harvard Law Review, but again, I digress. Come on already! It’s 2010 why are we STILL talking about this stuff? Moreover, why are we STILL letting it get to us? And by us, I mainly mean black people, but I’ll get to that later. What angered me at first was how the media handled this “scandal.” The media made her out to be such a racist person by only including that one line in the news (didn’t some actress or somebody say “we’re all a little racist sometimes?”). But after reading her email in its entirety (I lost the link, sorry, but feel free to poke around abovethelaw.com, you’ll probably find it there) I realized she’s not racist. She was stating her opinion, which was based on some things she’s read throughout the years, and she said more in her email than that blacks are dumber than whites. She mentions socioeconomic challenges, which also contribute to her opinion, and I totally agree with her. I’ve experienced it.

Being a poor child of Haitian immigrants, I didn’t have the luxuries and economic opportunities that many of my white counterparts had. Sure, I went to Catholic school my whole life, and went on to graduate from college, grad school, and will be starting law school soon, but none of that came easy. Most of my white counterparts did well on their SATs because they could afford pricey SAT prep courses. I could not, and I performed horribly. But to be fair, I took a pricey LSAT prep course and STILL did horrible on my test because I’ve always been a bad test taker (but I still got into law school!). Fortunately for me (and I use fortunately in the least offensive way possible), I grew up in a racially indifferent environment where I was always the only black kid in class, and I was never made to feel different, therefore I worked just as hard, if not harder than the white kids did. And if anything, my mother instilled in me that I SHOULD work harder- not because I was black but because I was CAPABLE. Whenever I’d bring home an A- on a test, my mom would ask “why didn’t you bring home an A+?” My mother made me work hard as if to prove that you didn’t have to be able to afford pricey test prep courses and tutors to excel in school, you just had to put your mind to it and BELIEVE that you can accomplish anything you want.

That encouragement is something that’s lacking in many black families today, in conjunction with growing rates of poverty, growing rates of single parenthood (aka the socioeconomic challenges the Harvard 3L probably was eluding to), and worst of all this defeatist attitude that you are a product of your environment thus you are destined to fail, too so why bother. That’s a load of crap, and it’s an excuse to do nothing and it pisses me off! If my dad had it his way I’d probably hate white people. He always tried to tell me that white people hate black people and I shouldn’t trust them, nor be friends with them. Being the spiteful person I am I did the complete opposite. I liked white people, I trust them, and some of my closest friends are white people because I never saw the hate my dad saw. And besides, from the time that white people brought slaves to America there has been this hatred and mistrust, understandable, but #1) as mentioned before, “one bad apple shouldn’t spoil the whole bunch” and #2) it’s 2010, come on already!

I feel like many black people are waiting for a time when everything will be completely equal in the world, where we can TRULY believe that “we will be judged not by the color of our skin but by the content of our character” to apply themselves harder and go after their dreams and be the best them they can be. That time may never come, yet many blacks will still use this inferiority complex and these socioeconomic challenges as an excuse not to try. If hypothetically, since the 1600s or so whites have hated blacks and deemed them to be inferior, then CLEARLY a time when they won’t feel that way isn’t soon coming, so why not try ANYWAY? And most importantly, why buy into what OTHERS think of you? What’s important is what you think of YOURSELF! So what if someone says you’re black, you’re stupid. It’s not what you’re called, it’s what you answer to, so rather than pout and adopt a woe is me attitude, how about proving them WRONG!? I’m VERY spiteful and competitive, and I personally LOVE when people doubt my abilities because it only motivates me to make sure I prove them WRONG. Why aren’t our black kids growing up with attitudes of confidence and helping them to realize their own strengths and what talents they can contribute to the world regardless of what ANYBODY says about them?

Why, in 2010 is EVERYTHING so focused on race? Why can’t people be racially colorblind? I’m biased because I grew up around whites and blacks who got along and never made each other feel like one was better or inferior than or to the other, where race wasn’t an issue, where the whites were just as black as the blacks were white. If that can happen where I live, why can’t that type of unity and mutual understanding and respect happen in the world?