Remember that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie freaks out about seeing Aiden at the opening of Steve’s bar because she’s not sure how Aiden feels about her since they broke up because she cheated on Mr. Big; and in writing her article she asks “…are we haunted by relationships past?” I find myself asking the same question, sort of. So many people are able to adopt a forgive and forget attitude in life. They are so focused on the future, they don’t care what happened five minutes ago. When a new month comes along, they put the previous month behind them and they don’t look back. If we lived in biblical times, I’d be Lot’s wife- I’d look back and turn into a pillar of salt.
I envy those people that are able to turn the page and keep going forward. I envy those able to forgive and FORGET. I used to hold grudges, until I realized that until you learn to forgive, you’re killing your soul. I feel I’ve mastered the art of forgiveness, but it’s the forgetting that I can’t fully grasp.
Sarcastic pictures aside, 2011 is a year that I want to forget for too many reasons to list here. And in 2008, I was forced, for the first time, to deal with the death of a family member. Those were the toughest years of my life. And I want nothing more than to move on from those difficult times in my life. I went through a lot and I am stronger for it. But I feel like ghosts of those years are still haunting me because I haven’t forgotten what I went through. I used to love the fact that my memory is so great. It’s helped me ace tests without studying, and I vividly remember things from my childhood. I sometimes tease my boyfriend because he seems to forget a lot of things. However, he remembers the important stuff- like my birthday, our anniversary, or that I’m allergic to seafood. But he seems to forget the bad stuff that’s happened to him, so as not to remind himself of how he felt. I certainly don’t want to be reminded of what horrible years those were for me, especially since I have so many positive things to look forward to this year; and I’m not in a bad place like I was in 2008 and 2011. But, there are songs I still won’t listen to because they were playing when I found out my cousin was murdered, or they remind me of another bad memory. But can you ever completely forget? Can you ever look ahead and never look back? How do you give up the ghosts?
